In many workplaces, the unspoken rule tends to be to leave your feelings at the door. Sometimes, it seems like emotions have no place in the professional world. But this notion goes against human nature. We aren’t wired to suppress our emotions, but that doesn’t mean we should let our emotions run loose, either. Rather, it’s about learning to understand and manage them. Enter the concept of emotional agility, a skill that doesn’t encourage emotional chaos but allows us to harness the power of our feelings constructively and productively.
What is Emotional Agility?
Psychologist Susan David developed the concept of emotional agility to describe the ability to navigate and manage our emotions effectively. It involves being in tune with our emotions, understanding them, and using that understanding to make choices that align with our values and long-term goals.
Emotional agility and emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) are related concepts. However, they focus on different aspects of emotional well-being and interpersonal skills. Emotional agility primarily focuses on our ability to navigate and manage our own emotions effectively, emphasizing personal growth and resilience. Emotional intelligence, on the other hand, is a broader concept that encompasses empathy and an understanding of the emotions of others. It is concerned with interpersonal and social skills.
David describes the components of emotional agility as recognizing, accepting, and managing our emotions, while aligning our actions with our personal values and goals. Specifically, it requires us to:
- Acknowledge and recognize our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. This process involves being honest with ourselves about what we’re feeling.
- Accept our emotions. Rather than trying to suppress or deny them, emotional agility means accepting emotions as a natural part of being human. It’s about understanding that all emotions have a reason and a purpose.
- Give a name to what we are feeling to help us gain clarity. For example, distinguishing between sadness and anger can lead to different strategies for addressing each.
- Avoid judging ourselves for feeling a certain way. Self-compassion is an essential aspect of emotional agility.
- Explore the reasons behind our emotions. What triggered them? Is there an underlying issue or pattern?
- Choose an appropriate response. Instead of reacting impulsively to emotions, emotional agility encourages us to choose how to respond in accordance with our values and goals.
- Adapt. Emotional agility is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about adapting to the situation and being flexible in our emotional responses.
Emotional agility is a skill that empowers individuals to be more resilient, make better decisions, and build stronger relationships. It helps us develop a healthier relationship with our emotions and use them as a source of strength and growth rather than allowing them to become a hindrance.
Thought Leaders
Susan David is at the forefront of thought leaders on emotional agility. She is a psychologist, author, and speaker. Her book Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life is a seminal work in this area.
While David developed the concept of emotional agility, other experts have made significant contributions to the field. The following thought leaders have each made valuable contributions to our understanding of emotional agility and related concepts, providing insights and tools to help individuals and organizations better navigate their emotions and thrive in various aspects of life. A few notable experts and authors include:
- Daniel Goleman, who is widely recognized for his work on emotional intelligence. His ideas also align closely with emotional agility and his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ is a foundational text on emotional intelligence.
- David Caruso, a psychologist and expert on emotional intelligence. He has contributed to the development of emotional intelligence assessments and training programs, which are closely related to emotional agility.
- Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, authors of Emotional Intelligence 2.0. They popularized the concept of emotional intelligence and provided practical guidance on improving emotional self-awareness and self-management.
- Tara Brach, a psychologist and meditation teacher who emphasizes mindfulness and self-compassion in dealing with emotions. Her work on radical acceptance and emotional healing is relevant to emotional agility.
- Brené Brown, whose research on vulnerability and shame is closely connected to emotional agility. Several of her books, such as Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead, explore the importance of embracing vulnerability and managing the associated emotions.
- Richard Davidson, a professor of psychology and psychiatry who has conducted extensive research on the brain’s response to emotions and the potential for neuroplasticity to enhance emotional well-being.
- Marc Brackett, a psychologist and author known for his work on emotional intelligence, particularly in the context of education. His book Permission to Feel explores the importance of emotional intelligence and agility in schools and workplaces.
Frameworks
In her book, David explains that when we become overwhelmed by negative emotions, we let them take control over us and impact our behavior. She calls this getting hooked. As part of human nature, we make up stories to understand what surrounds us and our experiences. But, often, we get these stories wrong. And we get hooked when we believe these stories as the absolute truth. In an attempt to unhook, we either bottle up our emotions (we ignore and suppress them) or brood (spiral into angst). These are not the best strategies. Instead, David recommends the following framework.
- Showing Up – Facing our thoughts, behaviors, and feelings willingly but kindly.
- Stepping Out – Detaching from our thoughts and feelings to see them for what they are: simply thoughts and emotions.
- Walking Your Why – After calming our mental processes, focusing on our goals, values, and aspirations.
- Moving On – Making tweaks to our routines and habits according to our values and finding the balance between challenge and competence
Finally, as we become more familiar with this process, she recommends living at the edge of our ability for optimal development. To do that, we need to balance competence and challenge. This balance is the see-saw principle. We need to gradually and incrementally progress, either by expanding our breadth – what we do, or our depth – how well we do what we do.
For a visual representation of this framework, check out Dr. Hayley Lewis’s Sketchnote below.
Recently, David also developed the Emotional Pyramid of Needs. In the context of a new situation that is threatening and creating anxiety (e.g., a diagnosis, pandemic, or career change), this pyramid helps describe how, as we meet every need, we become better at dealing with the reality of our present, whatever it may be, and the emotions that come with it.
- The first need we must meet is acceptance. We can’t control our situation and gain nothing from struggling with or suppressing our emotions. In the long run, it will make us feel worse.
- Once we accept what can and cannot be changed, we need to embrace compassion. This step means being kind to ourselves and others.
- The third need is establishing a routine that will help us maintain a sense of order. Especially in the context of sleep, exercise, and eating, creating healthy habits helps our physical well-being, impacting our psychological state.
- Connection is also essential to our well-being. Nourising relationships helps deal with negative emotions that may overwhelm us.
- The fifth need to meet is being courageous. Emotions signal the direction of what matters to us. If we bravely accept and learn from them, our actions will drive us to our goals.
- Reset refers to a process of evaluating our values and priorities. In the face of transition, these can change. And that’s okay.
- Finally, wisdom refers to appreciating what we have and how we’ve grown despite and due to the unforeseen events that caused the anxiety in the first place.
https://www.susandavid.com/resource/emotional-pyramid-of-needs/
How does Emotional Agility Impact my Career Journey?
Emotional agility can have a significant impact on our career journeys in several ways:
- Emotional agility enables us to make more effective and rational decisions. When we recognize and manage our emotions properly, we’re less likely to make impulsive choices driven by negative emotions like anger or fear. Instead, we can make decisions that align with our long-term career goals.
- In the ever-changing world of work, adaptability is crucial. Emotional agility helps us respond more flexibly to unexpected challenges and changes in our careers. We’re better equipped to bounce back from setbacks and pivot when necessary.
- Emotional agility enhances communication skills. We can express our thoughts and emotions more clearly and empathetically, building and cultivating stronger professional relationships.
- Similarly, emotional agility helps us navigate conflicts more skillfully by staying calm and empathetic, seeking common ground, and finding constructive solutions.
- Careers often come with stressors, and emotional agility equips us with the tools to manage stress more effectively. For starters, it can help us recognize when we feel overwhelmed and employ strategies to cope with stress constructively.
- Career journeys often involve setbacks, rejection, and failures. Emotional agility builds resilience, enabling us to recover more quickly from disappointments and maintain a positive outlook on our career prospects.
- Emotional agility relates to having meaningful career goals based on our values and desires. Emotionally agile people stay focused on these goals and skillfully navigate obstacles that may arise along the way.
- Finally, being emotionally agile means we are more likely to find satisfaction and fulfillment in our careers. We’re better equipped to seek opportunities that align with our passions and values, leading to a more rewarding professional life.
In summary, emotional agility positively impacts our career journeys by helping us make better decisions, adapt to changing circumstances, manage stress, communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and ultimately find greater satisfaction and success in our chosen career paths. It’s a valuable skillset that can contribute to professional growth and well-being.
Tools & Exercises
- If you’d like to find out how emotionally agile you are, check out this quiz, developed by Susan David.
- The third step to become emotionally agile in Susan David’s framework is Walking Your Why. If you’d like to learn about five strategies to walking your why, click here.
- Wondering where to begin? Check out this Three Daily Steps to jumpstart your path into emotional agility.
- We often identify emotions in a very superficial manner, talking only in umbrella terms. To help you identify what emotion you’re feeling exactly, take a look at this checklist.
- If you’re in a leadership position, consider reviewing Susan David’s article on leading with emotional agility.
Would you like to learn more? Check out these resources
- Susan David’s Downloadable Resources
https://www.susandavid.com/resources/ - Dangers of Toxic Positivity – Podcast with Brené Brown
https://www.susandavid.com/podcast/dangers-of-toxic-positivity-1-of-2 - Emotional Agility: Giving You the Power to Choose
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2022/10/18/emotional-agility-giving-you-the-power-to-choose/?sh=695b4da63507 - Building Emotional Agility: Podcast
https://hbr.org/podcast/2016/09/building-emotional-agility - Three Ways to Better Understand Your Emotions
https://hbr.org/2016/11/3-ways-to-better-understand-your-emotions - The Emotional Agility Manifesto
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/emotional-agility-manifesto-susan-david-ph-d-/ - Four Steps To Achieve Emotional Agility
https://www.susandavid.com/video/four-steps-to-achieve-emotional-agility/ - Teaching Emotional Agility to Your Children
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/04/well/family/teaching-your-child-emotional-agility.html - Why is Emotional Agility Key in Leadership?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-emotional-agility-key-leaders-david-le-ny-phd-/
