How to handle a challenging co-worker? We’ve all experienced having a challenging colleague in our work environments. Whether they’re negative, gossipy, nosy, unhelpful, self-absorbed, loud, mean, offensive, or challenging in any other number of ways, managing these difficult people takes a toll on the organization and you. Working with challenging coworkers can hinder productivity, creativity, decision-making, and overall workplace enjoyment. Learning effective strategies for handling these types of co-workers benefits the organization and enhances individual job satisfaction and mental health. Here are our tips to do just that:
1: Question Your Assumptions
When facing problematic interactions with challenging coworkers, separate mental assumptions from facts. For instance, you might be dealing with a chronically late coworker. Your colleague regularly arrives 10-15 minutes late to team meetings, and their late arrival disrupts the flow of the meetings and affects team productivity. Our natural tendency will be to assume that the coworker doesn’t value punctuality or respect others’ time. But, if you instead talk to your colleague without pre-judgment, you might find unexpected reasons for the late arrivals. Maybe your coworker has conflicting schedules, transportation issues, or a misunderstanding about the meeting time.
Separating assumptions from facts can help you understand the underlying reasons behind the behavior, facilitating a more empathetic and productive conversation to address the issue without unnecessary conflict. So, before you have a conversation with your difficult colleague, you should:
- Step back, examine different angles, and seek evidence before jumping to conclusions.
- Challenge your thoughts. Avoid gossip, and ask for evidence backing your beliefs to avoid distorted perceptions.
- Give yourself time to process emotions before making decisions to avoid hasty judgments.
2: Understand Perspectives
Next in dealing with difficult co-workers is comprehending their viewpoints and the underlying drivers of their perspectives. Consider a colleague who tends toward pessimism, always finding fault in new initiatives. This behavior might stem from a feeling of lacking control or anxiety with respect to change, leading them to lowered expectations as a coping mechanism.
During an actual interaction, engage in active listening during conversations and observe their behavior. Listen attentively to their concerns, motivations, and reactions without judgment. Pay attention to non-verbal cues, which often reveal underlying emotions or concerns. This approach helps in gaining insights into their perspective without assuming intentions.
3: Identify Triggers
Delve deeper to identify triggers for the colleague’s unwelcome behaviors. For instance, in the case of a passive-aggressive peer, this behavior might emerge from a fear of rejection or a desire to avoid conflict. Reflect on what might be causing discomfort and whether certain situations or individuals contribute to this behavior.
Pay close attention to patterns in their behavior. Note specific situations, topics, or actions that consistently lead to their negative responses or behaviors. Recognizing these patterns, you can better understand what triggers their adverse reactions and help them to work around their concerns.
4: Reframe Negative Qualities
Reframe negative qualities as potential strengths. A skeptical co-worker, for example, might highlight risks others haven’t considered, aiding in better preparation. Similarly, someone who comes off as overly confident or arrogant might have valuable insights, despite their attitude hindering collaboration.
Identify positive moments in interactions with your coworker, even amidst negativity. Emphasize and appreciate instances where they were positive or helped you. This can help you reframe their negative behaviors as occasional setbacks in an otherwise valuable learning environment.
5: Initiate Dialogue
Engage in open conversations to address underlying issues. By making your colleague aware of their behavior and its impact, you may be able to help them adjust their style and reduce their negative behavior. For instance, you are setting your boundaries by sharing with a nosy co-worker that you don’t like to discuss your personal life at work. Should they persist in their nosiness, you can remind them of your boundaries. If that still doesn’t help, you can enlist the help of your manager, their manager, or HR.
In other cases, directly addressing concerns with a difficult co-worker can also shed light on underlying issues. As an example, for a colleague who is overly blunt or mean-spirited in team interactions, asking for clarification on their thoughts and feelings in a non-confrontational manner can encourage openness and understanding.
Express genuine interest in understanding their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Use empathetic language and avoid accusations or judgmental tones, creating a safe space for them to share their perspective openly. This approach fosters trust and opens the door to being able to discuss the impact their behavior is having on you or others.
6: Model Humility
Demonstrating humility can create a more inclusive environment. For example, a colleague who consistently projects themselves as the most knowledgeable in an arrogant way might be trying to hide their insecurities. They may believe this is the only way to advance their career. Or perhaps this person comes from another company where that was the norm. In either case, showcasing humility might encourage them to demonstrate more humility themselves and foster a more collaborative atmosphere.
7: Proactive Measure
Taking proactive steps to avoid triggering negative behaviors is crucial.
- Adjust Language and Communication Styles: Use positive language and framing when discussing projects or ideas. Highlight potential benefits or solutions rather than dwelling solely on problems. Ensure your communication is clear and specific. Ambiguity can sometimes fuel pessimism or misunderstanding. Be direct and concise in your communication to avoid room for misinterpretation.
- Respectfully Seek Evidence or Data: A respectful approach to seeking clarification or evidence can be beneficial when dealing with overly confident coworkers who may assert opinions or judgment without sufficient evidence. Foster an environment where ideas are discussed collaboratively and decisions are based on a combination of evidence and perspectives. This approach can temper overconfidence and encourage a more thorough exploration of ideas.
- Mindful Interaction: Be mindful of your interactions and their potential impact. Work at recognizing the emotions of others and adapt your communication accordingly. Being empathetic and understanding can prevent triggering adverse reactions. And be adaptable in your communication style. Different coworkers may respond better to varying approaches, so being flexible in communicating can help diffuse potential triggers.
8: Seek Support
Enlist team or managerial support to establish constructive dynamics. For example, establish ground rules in meetings to ensure everyone’s voice is heard or designate specific “devil’s advocate” roles that channel negativity into constructive feedback.
Reach out to trusted colleagues who have observed similar behavior or might have dealt with similar situations in the past. Discuss your experiences and seek advice on how they managed to handle difficult coworkers.
9: Self-Preservation
Finally, if efforts to improve these challenging relationships yield no results, prioritize self-care. Limit interactions if necessary and seek out positive influences in the workplace. Documenting interactions can also protect your well-being and professional reputation if the situation should escalate.
In navigating challenging co-worker relationships, remember that while altering their behavior might be difficult, adapting your approach and seeking support can significantly improve workplace dynamics. By following these steps and tailoring them to your specific workplace dynamics, you can effectively manage challenging relationships and create a more harmonious work environment.
Want to learn more? Become a PathWise member for more advice on handling challenging co-workers. (Basic membership is free!). We also recommend Amy Gallo‘s book, Getting Along, for which we have a summary.
